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One Guy’s Opinion by Guy Thompson - Now listen, you two!

“Sit down! Both of you! Stop it! Keep your hands to yourself. Well? What’s it about this time?”

“He started it.”

“Did not! He did!”

“Uh-uh! You did, you liar!”

“I am not! Mom! He called me a liar!”

“Yes, I heard.”

“But I didn’t start it! He did!”

“I don’t care who started it! The fact is it broke. It’s too late to go back and change things.”

“He broke it! He should fix it!”

“But I didn’t break it. You did!”

“Liar!”

“Stop it! Stop hitting each other or so help me!! Now, I want to know if one of you is going to take responsibility for this mess. Hmmmm? Anyone?”

(Crickets chirping.)

“That’s what I thought. Then maybe I should take it out of your allowances.”

“But dad gives me my allowance!”

“And you only do what daddy tells you to do! That’s why you’re his favorite.”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Yeah, well, mom gives you the extra treats just cause you help her out!”

“So. I earn the treats by doing what she says.”

“Honey! You want to help in here?!”

“No. You’re doing fine.”

(Mumbling.)

“One more time. Who broke it?”

“Well, he was in the room when it happened and he should fix it.”

“Is this true?”

“He was in there when you found it, so he should fix it!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Why not? You tattled!”

“Only cause you did it!”

“Take that back! Or I’ll tell dad you spent your allowance on junk food again.”

“So. It’s my money. I can do whatever I want.”

“Oh, for the love of Pete, will you two stop it? If neither one of you is willing to fix it, maybe you both should fix it. How does that sound?”

“Uh-oh. Mom’s going crazy again.”

“I am not going crazy! Since you won’t admit to doing it, you should both fix it. Work together. I think that’s fair, not crazy.”

“Well, maybe.”

“Yeah. Maybe. I guess we could use super glue to fix it.”

“What? You’re nuts. Super glue won’t work. We’ll need to use epoxy.”

“Oh, that’s fair! When I suggested epoxy last time, you were all like ‘No epoxy. It won’t work.’ Now it’ll work? No. We’ll use super glue.”

“Epoxy!”

“Super glue!”

“Look you two, I don’t care how it gets fixed. But if you don’t work together and fix it, none of us will ever be able to use it again. Got it?”

“Well, I’d fix it right now if he’d let me use super glue.”

 

 

“No. No. No! Epoxy is the only way to do it. Super glue will never work!”

“If you didn’t like epoxy when I suggested it last time, then we’re not going to use it now. Just super glue.”

“Both of you listen to me. I’ve got a very bad headache now. I’m going to lie down. When I get up, I hope you have this sorted out. I don’t care which way you fix it, but it must be fixed. Your grandmother left that for us and I would like for it to last a few more generations. Okay?”

“See. You made mom mad.”

“Did not. It was you.”

“She was looking at you when she said that.”

“Only because she knows I’m right!”

“Uh-uh.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Black.”

“White.”

“Up.”

“Down.”

##

And so, government continues to work in its own, odd way.